Erectile size increase
Speaking of little things, we were puzzled last week to discover that watching CNBC wouldn't just make us wealthier, it would also increase the size of our penis.
Yes, in case you didn't notice, that institution of financial journalism started running ads for an herbal supplement called Enzyte, advertised on its website as "the effective, reliable way to natural male enhancement" and "good news for any man who ever wanted to enhance his erection size and increase his performance." For the skeptical, the Web site includes the results of an "independent customer study," in which 87% of participants reported an "erectile size" increase averaging 24%.
Of course, having tested competing products here at the research lab ( don't worry -- when we get positive results, we'll let you know ), we were a mite skeptical ourselves. So we called J. Stephen Jones, M.D., a urologist at the Cleveland Clinic Urological Institute. He notes that Enzyte says it contains yohimbine, a reputed aphrodisiac whose use is only weakly supported, he says, by past research. "Most urologists do not interpret those studies as indicating any effectiveness," he says. "If they did, we probably wouldn't have Viagra."
Ah, Viagra. A prescription drug. Remember, Enzyte isn't a prescription drug, despite the clever logo on the Web and in the CNBC ads. Just like prescription ads, which usually show the product's trade name ( e.g., Viagra ) in big letters and the scientific-sounding chemical name ( e.g., sildenafil citrate ) in parentheses underneath, Enzyte's logo includes the parenthetical phrase "suffragium asotas." No, that doesn't tell you about the chemical ingredients of Enzyte. According to Benjamin Shaer, linguistics professor at Brock University in St. Catharines, Ontario, the phrase means something like "assistance to the dissipated."
Anyway, back to the CNBC ads, which featured a guy with a milewide grin frozen on his face, reading an Enzyte brochure, confounding his colleagues with his bliss and returning home at the end of the day to a wife with a similarly ecstatic smile. We were dying to know whether CNBC was so hard up for dot-com ad dollars that it would run ads for penis enlargement supplements.
Well, apparently it isn't. In response to an inquiry made by the Five Dumbest Things Research Lab -- we're deadly serious here -- CNBC has pulled the Enzyte ad. "Thank you for bringing it to our attention," says a CNBC spokesman who begged not to have his name associated with this news item.
Yes, in case you didn't notice, that institution of financial journalism started running ads for an herbal supplement called Enzyte, advertised on its website as "the effective, reliable way to natural male enhancement" and "good news for any man who ever wanted to enhance his erection size and increase his performance." For the skeptical, the Web site includes the results of an "independent customer study," in which 87% of participants reported an "erectile size" increase averaging 24%.
Of course, having tested competing products here at the research lab ( don't worry -- when we get positive results, we'll let you know ), we were a mite skeptical ourselves. So we called J. Stephen Jones, M.D., a urologist at the Cleveland Clinic Urological Institute. He notes that Enzyte says it contains yohimbine, a reputed aphrodisiac whose use is only weakly supported, he says, by past research. "Most urologists do not interpret those studies as indicating any effectiveness," he says. "If they did, we probably wouldn't have Viagra."
Ah, Viagra. A prescription drug. Remember, Enzyte isn't a prescription drug, despite the clever logo on the Web and in the CNBC ads. Just like prescription ads, which usually show the product's trade name ( e.g., Viagra ) in big letters and the scientific-sounding chemical name ( e.g., sildenafil citrate ) in parentheses underneath, Enzyte's logo includes the parenthetical phrase "suffragium asotas." No, that doesn't tell you about the chemical ingredients of Enzyte. According to Benjamin Shaer, linguistics professor at Brock University in St. Catharines, Ontario, the phrase means something like "assistance to the dissipated."
Anyway, back to the CNBC ads, which featured a guy with a milewide grin frozen on his face, reading an Enzyte brochure, confounding his colleagues with his bliss and returning home at the end of the day to a wife with a similarly ecstatic smile. We were dying to know whether CNBC was so hard up for dot-com ad dollars that it would run ads for penis enlargement supplements.
Well, apparently it isn't. In response to an inquiry made by the Five Dumbest Things Research Lab -- we're deadly serious here -- CNBC has pulled the Enzyte ad. "Thank you for bringing it to our attention," says a CNBC spokesman who begged not to have his name associated with this news item.
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